The bus to Krakow was, thankfully, a lot less eventful than its predecessors, involving only a bizarre communal film and several hours of roadworks.
Tash and I arrived in Krakow only a miraculous hour later than planned, and essentially fell out of the bus and into a waiting taxi, which proceeded to drive us about two minutes around the corner to our Air BnB apartment. Thankfully, like a beautiful guardian angel, our friend Louisa was waiting at the apartment for us, having not had the luxury of enough annual leave to accompany us on the bus adventure (and acting as a handy control for our experiment at the same time). Louisa had brewed up some much needed tea, assembled the sofa bed (which was certainly no mean feat from her account), and worked out the ridiculously complex locking system on the apartment door that would likely have rendered Tash and I teary, exhausted messes had we been left to navigate it alone. A few cups of tea and healing catch up with Louisa later, and we could think only of the dreamy prospect of a proper bed to curl up in, and a restorative night's rest free from bag checks, panic attacks, dodgy toilets and traffic jams.
The next morning we were partially, if not wholly refreshed and raring to get out and explore Krakow. Like all good city-breakers, we first headed to the most touristy of Krakow's main areas - the Old Town Square. In our (pretty extensive) experience of Old Town Squares, upon first glance, Krakow rated pretty highly. Sprawling and vast, lined with gothic architecture of varying hues and surrounding the magnificently imposing Cloth Hall, we wasted no time in capturing all of the above in shaky panoramas and questionable selfies. It was during one such a selfie that we were interrupted by a young Polish man wearing some sort of elaborate, medieval tabard and matching hat, asking us if we fancied taking a horse and carriage around the square. Because we are neither attention seeking nor made of money, we declined, but not before young Polish man felt the need to explain to us that his outfit was 'traditional dress', lest we assumed they were his everyday threads. It was also around this time that we witnessed our first British stag party in Krakow. Suffice it to say they were also sporting traditional dress.
A little while later, we found ourselves at the Barbican, which is a remnant of the city's former outer walls and the perfect location in which to pass an hour before lunch. Our wander through the walls was pleasant, but otherwise uneventful, bar our first experience of Krakow's most famous tradition - the St Mary's Bugle Call. This is a trumpet signal played four times from the highest tower of St Mary's Church, which apparently repeats every hour, on the hour. Even through the night.
Following a quick bite to eat at a nearby veggie cafe and another stag party sighting, we assembled outside the Barbican once more, this time as the meeting point for a free city tour. During this 2.5 hour extravaganza, guided by a hilariously earnest Polish man named Chris, we were shown the following Krakow Old Town highlights:
1. St Mary's Church
The most iconic of Krakow's landmarks, we managed to get a sneak-shot of the interior, which does it no justice whatsoever...
2. Cloth Hall
Cloth Hall is a hauntingly historic construction, still being used for its intended purpose - an under-cover market.
3. Grodzka Street
A UNESCO World Heritage site in its own right, Grodzka Street is undeniably one of Krakow's most picturesque, and, as we discovered, the only place to head if you need a novelty fridge magnet.
4. Jagiellonian University
The former place of study for many esteemed alumni, including Pope John Paul ||, Copernicus and, most notably, our guide Chris himself.
5. Wawel Castle and Cathedral
Home to the former Polish royals for many a year, Wawel Castle is a real hotchpotch of architectural styles and was pretty interesting to explore from the outside. Until it started heavily raining.
After our culturally action-packed day, we retreated to a small craft brewery to sample the local ales, dodging many a stag party as we did so. So as to get the full experience of Krakow home-brewing, we opted for a selection platter of mini steins and shared them around. It was decided during this beer break that dinner should be of the traditionally Polish variety, and a swift scan of Tripadvisor sent us in the right direction of the highest rated in the area.
This restaurant happened to be a wood-panelled, doily-covered, Alpine dream of a place, and as we ordered pierogi and golabki from a waitress dressed like a cross between Heidi and Poland's 2014 Eurovision entry, we felt (stereotypically) culturally appropriate.
Most of day two in Krakow had been previously reserved for exploring the city's second most famous district - Kazimierz (The Jewish Quarter). Beforehand however, we had another cultural treat in store, in the form of a tour around the Weiliczka Salt Mines. At this juncture, I will admit that the salt mine excursion was largely due to my insistence. I will also admit that the prospect of a salt mine doesn't sound all that enticing at face value. However, I had been spun tales by more than one acquaintance about the mine's beautiful, salt-carved interior chambers, and curiosity had well and truly got the better of me.
The initial phase of salt mine fun was to descend about 6 million flights of stairs, which took longer than I could ever have imagined. What followed was a guided tour of the mine's many chambers, with endless edifying salt facts sprinkled liberally on top. I will be the first to admit that after a few chambers, I was kind of over-salted and done with the whole thing. But then we entered the salt cathedral, complete with salt chandeliers and carvings of the Virgin Mary, and my enthusiasm picked up once more...
Back in the city, and we found ourselves wandering the edgy streets of Kazimierz in search of some form of sustenance. Luckily, it wasn't long before we stumbled upon a quirky and urban looking food market, and could happily stock up on iced tea and banana waffles. Although we were planning to take a free tour of Kazimierz later in the day, we decided to make the most of our afternoon's exploring potential and got an eyeful of the patchwork backstreets, multiple synagogues and impressive urban art for our troubles.
As we were still a few hours away from free city tour number two, we elected to inject a bit more culture into our trip, and headed to the Galicia Jewish Museum. This collection of archive photos is a haunting and potent portrait of Jewish identity across Europe, and rendered all three of us silent and contemplative for the entire time we were viewing it. Before long though, we were once again assembling outside a landmark, waiting on a tour guide with a yellow umbrella to whisk us away. And we were not disappointed. This particular guide had the air of an impish boy-wizard, sporting flowing locks and mystic pendants alongside his sensible walking boots.
During this tour, we followed behind boy-wizard (a.k.a Mitchell), listening intently as he regaled us with tales of Kazimierz's past with all the magical charisma that his appearance hinted at. Highlights included:
1. The Old Synagogue
Unsurprisingly, Kazimierz is brimming over with synagogues, but this is the undisputed OG synagogue. Battle-scarred it may be, but it acts as a focal point for the district and is overflowing with history.
2. Broadway
Slightly more humble than its New York counterpart, this Broadway was so-named purely because of its width, and is today home to some of the most famous (and expensive) Jewish restaurants in Krakow.
3. The steps from Schindler's List
Kazimierz acted as the main backdrop for much of Spielberg's Schindler's List, and these steps were the most potent reminder of the film, having featured in their original state.
4. The bridge to Podgorze
Podgorze, just across the river from Kazimierz, was in fact the real Jewish ghetto that Kazimierz represents in the film, home to thousands of ostracised Jews during WW2. These beautiful sculptures guide you across to the other side.
By the time we reached the end of the tour, food was very much at the forefront of our minds, and so we headed to another of Tripadvisor's finest recommendations - an entirely culturally appropriate Lebanese restaurant. This particular meal passed by in a dreamy haze of baba ganoush, hummus, halloumi and flatbread, and we wandered out of Kazimierz feeling full of both food and good experiences. There was one more Polish tradition to partake in before bed however - wodka.
In search of alcohol, we joined countless stag parties and headed into the Old Town, or Wodka Bar, to be precise. Wodka Bar does exactly what it says on the tin - a cosy, candlelit bar overlooking a small number of tables, offering more than 200 different flavours of everyone's fave potato-based tipple. In much the same way as we had sampled Krakow craft beer the previous day, we opted for a selection of flavours and devised a complex system for rotating each one around the three of us.
It was during a particularly heated discussion about who would have the last shot of chocolate and orange wodka, that we were interrupted by a friendly northern couple at the next table. Before long, the conversation we had struck up with them had drawn the attention of another British couple nearer the bar, and we all began to swap tipsy tips on wodka flavours. At that point, the bar's oaken door was swung open, and what can only be described as a noisy hoard of English stag party-ers tumbled in. If, as a Brit, you happen to find yourself homesick in Krakow, Wodka Bar is definitely the place to go...
Suffice it to say, our last (almost full) day in Krakow started a lot later than those before it, as we sipped tea and discussed our options for the day's activities. Once we had swung by the bus station and stored our bags, it was once again due to my dubious recommendation that we found ourselves in a taxi, and on the way to an out-of-town Krakow attraction.
This particular attraction happened to be the Kosciuszko Mound, a surreal grassy hill erected in memory of the famous Polish national leader Tadeusz Kosciuszko. On being dropped off at the mound, we were met with a haunting lack of people, but, undeterred, we set off on the winding path to the mound's summit...
The view from the top was pretty panoramic, and we spent a good long while soaking it in as a fitting final act to our whirlwind Krakow weekend. This sense of calm was somewhat shattered however, as we descended the mound and began to brainstorm how to get back to the city...
Uber was our first port-of-call, but Louisa's app was simply not playing ball. For a while we clung hopefully to the promise held by a nearby rickety bus-stop sign, but as the minutes ticked by sans bus we began to explore other options. Eventually, Tash located Krakow's primary taxi app and arranged our return transport.
Back in the Old Town, we decided it was time for lunch and, because we'd had quite enough fun for one day, headed into a healthy eating, vegan cafe for spelt flour pancakes and coconut shavings. After this meal it was time to wave Louisa farewell, as she dashed off to the station to catch her train back to the airport. Tash and I proceeded to while away a few hours revisiting Wawel Castle and marvelling at its majestic frescoes, before we retired to a nearby cafe for peppermint tea and people watching.
This done, we elected to grab a quick bite to eat before our impending night bus to Berlin. By sheer fluke, (or Tripadvisor, I can't remember which), we ended up in a hopelessly cute cantina, serving up a range of home-cooked Polish fare in homely, pot-plant filled surroundings.
We boarded the Berlin bus that night with mixed emotions - primarily relief, as we had almost missed it due to reading the departure time wrong, but also contented satisfaction at a Krakow weekend well spent. What delights our return journey would hold, God only knew...