New York: The Big Apple, The City that Never Sleeps, So Good They Named it Twice... For a destination of such fame, it is kind of ludicrous that until three weeks ago, I had never visited it. Clambering into my aisle seat and settling down for an eight hour flight of podcasts, movies and upright sleeping however, I was pretty well prepared.
Many had warned me prior to my departure about the difficulty of soaking in even the most famed of NYC's attractions in as short a space of time as four days, but I was determined, had my game face firmly on, and my adorably hand-written itinerary burning a hole in my pocket.
As with all best laid plans though, my itinerary was largely ignored after having been deemed 'wildly unrealistic' by various fellow plane passengers, and crumpled into a corner of the hotel room on minute 1 of the stay. Regardless, I still managed to max out on NY culture and catch my own glimpse of what makes the world's most famous city tick, through sheer inexhaustibility, gallons of coffee and walking about four marathons a day. Here are my highlights and recommendations, just in case there is literally anyone else on earth who hasn't yet been to the fabulous New York.
1. Empire State vs Rockefeller Centre is a hotly debated topic
One of the most common bits of advice I was kindly given prior to my departure, was to choose either the Empire State Building or Rockefeller Centre for city skyline views, as they are 'pretty much the same once you get up there'. As much as I internally squirmed at the reductiveness of these comments, sheer time constraints coerced me into adhering to them. After a bit of deliberation, I chose the Empire Sate, for no other reason than its slightly more iconic status. Personally, I found the views from the top pretty darn breathtaking, as the sun slowly set, bathing the tips of the city's skyscrapers in an ethereal, orangey glow. Upon my return home of course, I was unsuprisingly told I had made the wrong selection, but I got a pretty banging photo of the Rockefeller after dark from ground level, so swings and roundabouts really.
2. You won't be able to get a good photo of Times Square without extensive equipment and photo-editing skills
Times Square is a dazzling, blinding, glittering blur of lights and colour that seemingly moves independently of everything around it. Try photographing that on an iPhone.
3. February is NOT a bus-friendly month
It is common consensus among New York visitors that, despite their glaringly unsubtle, tourist indicating paint-jobs, the City Sightseeing buses are a pretty nifty way of getting around. With the added bonus of a muffled, slightly inaccurate audio tour to sweeten the deal. Like diligent city-breakers, my travelling bud Amy and I purchased our 3-day passes from the first ticket vendor we bumped into, who looked in equal parts amazed and joyful at this unexpectedly large sale.
Fast forward a few hours to us hunkered over on the top deck of the bus, desperately trying to enjoy the static surroundings as we waited in a solid block of traffic, a bitingly icy wind blowing directly in our faces. Yeah. February is not a good month for open-top vehicle travel in New York. My recommended alternative? The Subway – it's joyously easy to navigate, and you get a super cute paper ticket which transports you not only around the city, but nostalgically back to the days before Oyster cards. Sure, it’s not so good for the old sightseeing, but then there’s only so many sights you can see when your eyes are physically frozen shut.
A demonstration of the average temperatures
4. Hell's Kitchen is not so-named because of its food, but you should eat there anyway
Although I had heard of Hell’s Kitchen (the Midtown West area of the city) before my visit, I hadn’t bothered to research the etymology of its intriguingly culinary themed name, cause, you know, life's too short. It turns out though that the moniker came from the neighbourhood’s once rough and heated reputation, and I felt infinitely better about my own ignorance on the matter when Amy asked me, in all earnest, if it had been named after the Gordon Ramsay show...
Despite our dissent about its name, Amy and I agreed to eat in Hell’s Kitchen, and we were not disappointed. After wandering up and down the main street roughly 15 times and scrolling wildly through TripAdvisor, we stumbled through the beaded curtains of Hummus Kitchen, a narrow restaurant with literally the best baba ganoush I’ve ever tasted. And I know my baba.
5. The Statue of Liberty is TINY
Possibly the most major aspect of my carefully curated to-do list to be sacrificed, was taking a ferry to Ellis Island, and getting an eyeful of the Statue of Liberty into the bargain. Due to a cataclysm of misfortune involving bad timing, unsavory weather conditions and Apple Maps, we didn’t ever make it to the ferry port. We did however spend a bit of time hanging around with a selection of mangy pigeons in Battery Park, and staring at the Statue of Libz from a distance. Even so, I had no idea quite how minute it is. The opening scenes of every trashy rom-com and late night sit-com do NOT portray it with an accurate scale, let me tell you. I can't even include a picture of it without at least three crudely drawn arrows to render it visible.
6. You can visit the actual Friends apartment
For fans of Friends (e.g. literally everyone ever), Greenwich Village holds a secret little surprise – the actual apartment featured in every cut-scene, accompanied by twangy guitar riffs and sweeping camera angles.
7. Brooklyn Flea flies south for the winter
Every NY tourist who misguidedly thinks they’re being counter-culture, hipster and effortlessly cool will venture into Brooklyn, so obviously, I did. A life-long fan of vintage clutter and overpriced curios, I was especially excited at the prospect of Brooklyn Flea Market. After looking up the route and committing it to memory, we were a little confused upon rocking up to what we were pretty darn sure was the right location, but seeing absolutely nothing that even faintly resembled a market, flea or otherwise. After a bit of (hugely expensive) internet research, we realised that the market has a different, inside location in the winter. Sensible really. Another 40 MINUTE walk in -8 DEGREE TEMPERATURES later, and we had finally arrived.
8. The Bagels are as good as everyone says
Morning bagels are synonymous with New York, and so I was petulantly insistent that we partake in the ritual at least once. I’ve never eaten more cream cheese in one sitting in my life, but dear god it was good. The only slight issue occurred when Amy and I decided to buy ourselves a croissant to tide us over until lunchtime, but had unbelievable difficulty communicating the word to the guy behind the counter. I had to resort to method-acting the key characteristics of a croissant to him, a feat I am certain I would not be able to repeat if asked now. In the end though, the message filtered through.
9. Brooklyn Promenade has incredible Instagram opportunities
10. Central Park on a winter’s eve is magical
We wandered through the iconic Central Park as the sun was setting, there was a crisp chill in the air, and everything was seemingly at peace. And this man was practicing his accordion.
11. You should all follow Louie the Central Park Cat
Just as we were sinking into a blissful/hypothermic stupor whilst strolling the sun-dappled, frosted paths of Central Park, we bumped into a couple walking their cat. You know, casual. As an unbridled and unstoppable ‘cat person’, Amy was immediately crouched down, giving him all the cuddles and tickles he could ever have wished for, which left me to make awkward cat chit-chat with his human mum. Turns out, this was no ordinary feline. ‘Louie’, as we were informed was his name, is somewhat of an Instagram star.
As we were about to leave, I looked at the husband, expecting to see the eyes of a man wearily resigned to his future of babying and co-parenting a cat. Instead, he cheerily handed me Louie’s business card. Follow him on Insta y’all.
12. Oysters are alive when you eat them
Take it as a comment on my upbringing and general levels of sophistication that I had never even been close to eating an oyster until I stepped into the sparkly underground cavern that is Grand Central’s iconic Oyster Bar. As a vegetarian (of the piscatorial variety, granted), I was reluctant to say the least. But as Amy quite rightly pointed out, you’d be a bit of a wuss, not to mention a hypocrite, to eat dinner at the Oyster Bar and not have an oyster...
I’m not gonna lie, it was a fairly underwhelming and slimy experience. The only discernable taste was the lemon and vinegar I had cowardly submerged the oyster in before eating it. It was only later that night, back at the hotel, that Amy looked up from her phone with a horrorstruck expression to inform me that the oyster had still been alive whilst I had swallowed it down in the name of gluttony.
Post-oyster
13. Grand Central is both grand and central
Nothing prepares you for the grandness. The centralness you get over.
14. Trump Tower is an interesting place to be right now
Obviously Trump Tower was not a key point of interest on my original itinerary, but during our time wandering 5th Avenue, we became slightly embroiled in what can only be described as a pro-Trump rally outside it. As much as the rage was bubbling up inside us, we managed to remain passive and silent spectators, only snapping out-of-focus photos and videos that we had grand illusions of selling to national press…
15. The Guggenheim Museum is a spiralling haven of beauty
16. You should believe the hype
New York really is so good, I am not surprised they named it twice.